In my opinion THE HUNDRED WORLD'S MOST BASTARD BASTARDS (cinema not history) 100. THE RIDDLER - He's a shithead and a bastard yes, but he was obnoxious more than vile. In the old T.V. he was higher on this list, but Jim Carry kind of made him fall to last place. 99. MAGNETO - He's strong powerful and a bastard, but he's too touchy feely to be higher than this... he cares to much about others to be a true bastard. 98. GOLLUM - Alright Tolkienites, don't get pissed, but he's a pathetic materialistic turd and that's about it. He is creepy though. 97. BILL THE BUTCHER - I'm sure the real Bill would be higher on the list, but seriously the fictional one could not have been as tough as they made him seem especially with that depth perception. 96. THE BLACK KNIGHT - He's one determined bastard, and he'll bite your ankles off! 95. JABBA THE HUTT - Weak, he woulda had a heart attack soon anyway. 94. WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST - geez lady get a life... 93. THE BLAIR WITCH - Has the power to make your nose snotty. 92. HARLEY QUINN - Oh mama. 91. POISON IVY - Oh mama again. 90. THE FISHERMAN - are those kids retarded or what? He's not impervious to bullets retards. 89. CHUCKIE - How hard can it be to kill a doll, he does get some points for nailing Faruza. 88. IMHOTEP - He was only doing it for love... is that so wrong? 87. WARDEN SAMUEL NORTON - took the bastard's way out in the end. 86. CAPTAIN HOOK - hook hand kids story... eh 85. MR. FREEZE - You bastard you killed all the palm trees! 84. SAURON - I think Maine might need another lighthouse. 83. JAWS - he's a shark... a very... hungry... shark... 82. MR. ROONEY - Hahahaha 81. BEETLEGEUSE - say it three times fast. 80. BULLSEYE - yeah... 79. JACK - anyone named Jack especially Ray Liotta 78. MOM AND DAD - the people under the stairs, yikes. 77. FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER - only cause he's that scary. 76. THE LEPRECHAUN - Don't you know all Irish people could kill a brotha with a fro pick? 75. AUDREY II - How scary can a plant be? How about a giant man-eating Venus Fly Trap from outer space? One that can minipulate people to do it's bidding? Scared of the garden yet? Yeah probably not, just go get the weedwhacker. 74. WALTER FINCH - Robin Williams? 73. COMMODUS - Pure bastard, pathetic weak, dumb, but he tried to mack out with his sister. 72. GHOSTFACE - Skeet and Matt went a little nuts... 71. DON LOGAN - Ben Kingsley's good but should he really be in a movie called Sexy Beast? 69. TYLER DURDEN - He's not even real... 68. MRS. ROBINSON - You're sick lady. 67.ARCHIBALD CUNNINGHAM - who? 66. JACKSON RIPPNER - what's the name sound like? wait who played this guy? Cillian Murphy? Who? 65. DAVEY JONES - Anyone who's been on the water knows why. 64. THE STEPFATHER - Betchya didn't know Lock from LOST was that nuts. 63. THE YELLOW BASTARD - he's yellow he's a bastard, name says it all 62. HICKS - Did those guys from Deliverence have names? de du dowdow dowdow dow... 61. GAEAR GRIMSRUD - did you see Fargo? woodchipper anyone? 60. DR. MOREAU - If you don't know who that is you're an idiot. 59. SEAN NOKES - F&#* you Kevin Bacon. 58. PROFFESOR MORIARTY - Classic Holmes' nemisis brought to life by D'Onofrio... can it get any better? 57. FERNAND MONDEGO - Did you read Monte Cristo? hehehe shithead. 56. DARTH MAUL - Fucker. 55. HEADLESS HORSEMAN - Christopher Walken, bad teeth, sword... etc. 54. LEATHERFACE - ugly skin, chainsaw, Texas. 53. AGENT SMITH - If he were a person then he'd be higher, he's only a bastard because he's programmed to be. Besides the Matrix is an alegory to Fraggle Rock. eat it. 52. SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM - Only Alan Rickman's portrayal reaches bastard status, and what a bastard he makes. 51. HOWARD PAYNE - Pop quiz hotshot, anybody remember who this is? Dennis Hopper with bombs... yeah... the bastard killed Jeff Daniels. 50. COLONOL NATHAN R. JESSUP - A highly decorated Jack Nicholson Marine... run away! 49. CARDINAL RICHELIEU - It doesn't matter the movie book or anything else, that name comes up he's automatic bastard - probably because he was in real life. Go Tim Curry! 48. CANDYMAN - The candyman can. 47. THE HITCHER - either Rutger Hauer or that kid with the teeth that looks like his dad, what's his name? Bussey? 46. COLONOL WALTER E. KURTZ - Brando, peyote, pot... L.S.D? 45. GRAF ORLOCK - played by Max Schreck who is also on the list... shit. 44. ZOMBIES 43. VERBAL/KEYZER SOZE - The Usual Suspects anybody? Takes a genius to pull that one off. 42. AURIC GOLDFINGER - of course he's on the list. 41. ALONZO HARRIS - asshole. 40. COUNT DRACULA - Bela Lagosi, also see ranking number 6. 39. TRAVIS BICKLE - Nutso taxi man. 38. T-1000 - crap pants now. 37. ANNIE WILKES - Kathy Bates on crack! 36. SERLEENA - really the only good thing Serleena did was shapeshift into Lara Flynn Boyle. 35. JOAN CRAWFORD - No More Wire Hangars! 34. ERIC QUALEN - Okay okay so John Lithgow's not the best choice for a bastard, but Cliffhanger was the first rated R movie I saw and... well he gave me nightmares. Bastard. 33. SIMON GRUBER - The guy who voiced SCAR put a bomb in a middle school for what? all the money in a bank... oh and to kill Bruce Willis. Samuel L. Jackson just sorta gets in a the way a few times. 32. HANS GRUBER - Alan Rickman vs. Bruce Willis... they were kinda both bastards but Willis wins and the good guy always wins. 31. MAX ZORIN - Christopher Walken as a Bond Villain, need I say more? 30. JOHN CARPENTER - He destroyed Hogan's family and then killed him... sniffle... 29. ALEX DELARGE - Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange. 28. MAX CADY - DeNiro in a movie called Cape Fear, should be self explanitory. 27. SARGEANT BARNES - Tom Berenger, Vietnam, he kills Willem Dafoe the only time he played a good guy, bastard... 26. TONY MONTANA - Say hello. 25. MICHAEL CORLEONE - Guys you know what I'm talkin' bout. 24. NURSE RATCHED - Biggest Bitch Ever. 23. JOKER - He'd be higher if he wasn't overdone... and the cartoon version sucked ass... maybe Heath will come through and move Joker up a few pegs. 22. GREEN GOBLIN - Willem Dafoe as a goblin. MUST KILL TOBEY. 21. MAX SCHREK - Willem Dafoe as a vampire playing a vampier... gee... 20. GRAND MOFF TARKIN - What the hell is a Moff? He destroys a planet more casually than ordering a pizza. 19. THE CALLER - Kiefer Sutherland... how could you? I mean yeah Colin Farell was a jackass in this movie but that was just... wrong. You're sick, man. 18. PENGUIN - Crazy birds, hypnosis, fat short man complex, it's all good. 17. JACK TORRENCE - in case you're wondering that's the guy from The Shinning. 16. TWO-FACE - Yeah Tommy Lee Jones was a pretty good two faced bastard but this character made it this high on the list solely on his dirty dealings in the comic books, of course we might be able to give Tommy more credit if it wasn't the worst BAT movie ever... forget Jim Carry and bring back Michael Keaton and make it about Two-Face before the effing Riddler showed up. 15. DARTH VADAR - You Lucasites will get mad that he's not number one, but in the end Darth Vadar turned good so kinda knocks him down a few points don'tchya think. 14. BORG QUEEN - Resistance is Futile, female bastard. 13. NORMAN BATES - Freak. 12. JAME GUMB - Hey fat chicks need torture too. 11. LEX LUTHER - Whichever version of this S.O.B. is your favorite he's still a bastard (except the bald teen version... he's just kind of a douche) But Hackman, Comic Book, Cartoon, and so on - who is more greedy and calculating than this bastard, he'd buy out your chess peices so they attacked your king instead of bothering with the game. Then he'd steal your bank cards and foreign artifacts... and your bitch. 10. HAL 9000 - A monotone computer personified by a red dot. I couldn't touch even a gameboy for a year after that movie, and red dots give me nightmares now. Put the laser pointers away! 9. JASON VOORHEES - I'm glad we updated hokey masks. 8. MR. BLONDE - I wish Mr. Blonde could be higher on this list, but he was killed off, every line he had was a memorable bastard line, delivered in the complete mofo way only Michael Madsen can do; that and I'll never listen to "Stuck in the Middle With You" the same ever again... ears people. 7. MICHAEL MYERS - Not to be confused with Mike Myers, but I can see the similarites. 6. GARY OLDMAN - okay so Gary Oldman's not a character and in real life he's a dear sweet man, but he appeared on the original list so many time I combined them all so other people could make in on here. Ivan Korshunov, Dr. Zachary Smith, Norman Stansfield, DRACULA HELLO!, Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, Mason Verger, Pontius Pilate, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc... 5. PATRICK BATEMAN - If you've seen it you know why... ewww. 4. PENNYWISE - Tim Curry as a mischevious clown that plays pranks on people, kidnaps and murders children... damn. 3. FREDDY KRUEGER - Don't plan on sleeping tonight. 2. JOHN DOE - Have you seen Se7en? He sacrifices himself to win. Bastard. 1. HANNIBAL LECTER - The appearance of the Good Doctor at the top of the list should not surprise you, after all he did talk a guy into swallowing his tongue, and he fed Ray Liotta his own brains. On top of everything else, the fact that he's surprisingly strong (Ed Norton barely kicked his ass) he's smarter than everyone else in the world... and he eats people. Read the Books, watch the films, Brian Cox is just as creepy as Sir Anthony Hopkins... Ill never see Big Fish the same again...Damn. | 
